Nothing like meeting the security guard who shot one of your patients a few years ago. #MedicUp

I’m always interested in the “as seen on TV” section of the drug store. How about a whole store dedicated to that?

Family wanted to come to the hospital with the patient, but everyone was on house arrest. #1MedicUp

Kid has a severe allergy to dogs and dad takes him to a babysitter known to have dogs. “He’s also allergic to nuts. I hope she didn’t feed him anything with nuts in it.” #1MedicUp

Needed to charge my phone in the ambulance and my partner said to just use the USB port on the work computer. Talk about the whorehouse of charging stations. After I got a work email from a porn company, I don’t need more viruses, thanks. #1MedicUp

“Ma’am, your daughter has been a great help in taking care of you.” “Daughter? That’s my partner.” “Oh.” “Yeah, she robbed the cradle when she hooked up with me,” said the partner. Lord, will someone just give me a clue before I put my foot in my mouth? #1MedicUp

We just got word that another ambulance dropped off some food for us. “What did they leave us?” asked my partner. “Enchiladas.” “Wow, I’ve never had enchiladas before.” Where do these people come from? #1MedicUp

My new EMS partner: “Is it illegal or just frowned upon to marry more than one person?” #1MedicUp

Dude got beat up at a gym over whose turn it was on a machine. “I was winning, I sure was, but then my legs gave-out, and he ran away.” “Are you saying you skipped leg day, sir?” “Football injury, smart ass.” “Yes, sir.” #1MedicUp

Seems that the flying experience on the Andy Griffith Show was superior in every way from what we have now. Generation of swine, said Hunter Thompson.

Seems inappropriate to allow criminals to walk free and then highlight their behavior as a reason to suspend a Constitutional Right.

Now that I can go to coffee shops again, I’m the only one without a hipster beard.

How can a family have jet-skis, boat, 5 cars, and a two-story house and be on Medicaid? #1MedicUp

“When I called 911 my husband was drunk and unconscious. He woke up and cussed me for calling you and went upstairs.” “Yes, ma’am.” We heard something fall in the house. “That was my husband falling down the stairs.” “Yes, ma’am.” #1MedicUp

Intoxicated fall call: “Sir, how old are you?” “How old do you think I am?” “Ambulance, sir, not the state fair.” “I work out a lot. Try to take care of my skin and that stuff.” “Yes, sir.” #1MedicUp

“Yes, ma’am. If you got cardioverted yesterday, you will probably be a little uncomfortable today.” #1MedicUp

My last patient had the same hairstyle as Yoda. #1MedicUp

“Who did you get in a fight with?” “My brother.” “Oh, where is he now?” “He’s the guy you were just talking to outside.” Situational awareness level zero, evidently. #1MedicUp

Patient fall. “Ma’am, have you been drinking?” “No, I had electroshock therapy today…and I’ve been drinking.” “Do those two things go together?” “Sure, it’s great. No complaints from me.” “How’s your leg?” “Hurts like a bitch.” #1MedicUp