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whosyourmedic

@mileslaw2

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190
Following
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Statuses
31,431

Not believing in science isn’t a valid opinion, and it used to mean you failed the class. “COVID Vaccinated, both shots” #1MedicUp

Joined April 2019
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
2 years ago
Nothing like meeting the security guard who shot one of your patients a few years ago. #MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
a day ago
I’m always interested in the “as seen on TV” section of the drug store. How about a whole store dedicated to that?
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
4 days ago
Family wanted to come to the hospital with the patient, but everyone was on house arrest. #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
4 days ago
Kid has a severe allergy to dogs and dad takes him to a babysitter known to have dogs. “He’s also allergic to nuts. I hope she didn’t feed him anything with nuts in it.” #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
4 days ago
Needed to charge my phone in the ambulance and my partner said to just use the USB port on the work computer. Talk about the whorehouse of charging stations. After I got a work email from a porn company, I don’t need more viruses, thanks. #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
5 days ago
“Ma’am, your daughter has been a great help in taking care of you.” “Daughter? That’s my partner.” “Oh.” “Yeah, she robbed the cradle when she hooked up with me,” said the partner. Lord, will someone just give me a clue before I put my foot in my mouth? #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
5 days ago
We just got word that another ambulance dropped off some food for us. “What did they leave us?” asked my partner. “Enchiladas.” “Wow, I’ve never had enchiladas before.” Where do these people come from? #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
5 days ago
My new EMS partner: “Is it illegal or just frowned upon to marry more than one person?” #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
5 days ago
Dude got beat up at a gym over whose turn it was on a machine. “I was winning, I sure was, but then my legs gave-out, and he ran away.” “Are you saying you skipped leg day, sir?” “Football injury, smart ass.” “Yes, sir.” #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
6 days ago
Seems that the flying experience on the Andy Griffith Show was superior in every way from what we have now. Generation of swine, said Hunter Thompson.
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
7 days ago
Seems inappropriate to allow criminals to walk free and then highlight their behavior as a reason to suspend a Constitutional Right.
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
7 days ago
Now that I can go to coffee shops again, I’m the only one without a hipster beard.
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
8 days ago
How can a family have jet-skis, boat, 5 cars, and a two-story house and be on Medicaid? #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
9 days ago
“When I called 911 my husband was drunk and unconscious. He woke up and cussed me for calling you and went upstairs.” “Yes, ma’am.” We heard something fall in the house. “That was my husband falling down the stairs.” “Yes, ma’am.” #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
9 days ago
Intoxicated fall call: “Sir, how old are you?” “How old do you think I am?” “Ambulance, sir, not the state fair.” “I work out a lot. Try to take care of my skin and that stuff.” “Yes, sir.” #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
9 days ago
“Yes, ma’am. If you got cardioverted yesterday, you will probably be a little uncomfortable today.” #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
10 days ago
My last patient had the same hairstyle as Yoda. #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
10 days ago
“Who did you get in a fight with?” “My brother.” “Oh, where is he now?” “He’s the guy you were just talking to outside.” Situational awareness level zero, evidently. #1MedicUp
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@mileslaw2
whosyourmedic
10 days ago
Patient fall. “Ma’am, have you been drinking?” “No, I had electroshock therapy today…and I’ve been drinking.” “Do those two things go together?” “Sure, it’s great. No complaints from me.” “How’s your leg?” “Hurts like a bitch.” #1MedicUp
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