Tim Dillon Profile Banner
Tim Dillon Profile
Tim Dillon

@TimJDillon

Followers
495,561
Following
660
Media
1,841
Statuses
18,927

Stand up comic. CEO of Fake Business. Podcast: The Tim Dillon Show Insta:TimJDillon LIVE⬇️

Austin, TX /Beverly Hills
Joined August 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Pinned Tweet
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 months ago
PRESALE IS LIVE NOW. Go to PRESALE CODE: FAKEBIZ to grab tickets before they officially go on sale.
261
600
5K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
20 hours ago
Fuck. RIP.
@LVMH
LVMH
21 hours ago
LVMH, Louis Vuitton and Off White are devastated to announce the passing of Virgil Abloh, on Sunday, November 28th, of cancer, which he had been battling privately for several years.
Tweet media one
58
63
2K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
21 hours ago
The only symptom of the Omnichron variant will be your total loss of income.
292
3K
24K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
a day ago
Can the psychopath who runs NYC cancel the state of emergency?
@sailorrooscout
Chise 🧬🧫🦠💉🔜 MFF
a day ago
Good news for your morning. “The new Omicron variant of the Coronavirus results in MILD disease, WITHOUT prominent symptoms.” -Angelique Coetzee, the chairwoman of the South African Medical Association.
77
119
2K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
a day ago
When Hollywood used to make really good shit no one cared they were out of touch and would say shit like “Enjoy getting robbed!” But now everything sucks AND they’re insane.
91
459
7K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
a day ago
We’ve added shows in Atlanta and Sacramento. Grab tickets here:
9
4
96
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
a day ago
Does anyone want to do a flash mob at Del Taco?
103
80
2K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
a day ago
Omnichron is the name of a hotel where the 28 dollar room service burger has Gouda on it and tastes like shit.
91
216
4K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
a day ago
Questions to get on Ghislaine Maxwell jury “Do you have early onset dementia? If so, welcome!”
56
153
2K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 days ago
Tana is correct. Laundrie is alive.
@KEEMSTAR
KEEM 🍿
2 days ago
What? Idk about this…
87
83
2K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
2 days ago
Sondheim was the most accomplished of his era-or any. A real titan. RIP.
40
44
1K
Tim Dillon Retweeted
@RayKump
Ray Kump
3 days ago
Almost 8pm, time to start boiling the post dinner spaghetti!
16
70
1K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
Even tho it’s not on TV
5
0
137
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
Best show on TV

This Tweet is unavailable.

10
2
201
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
I’m performing at the Wiltern tomorrow in LA. Tickets here
14
5
124
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
I respect Ghislaine Maxwell more than any “journalist” and you do too.
78
147
3K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
This is what the sketch artist drew during the Rittenhouse trial.
@Doks_Art
Adedokun
3 days ago
My ballpoint drawing of @TimJDillon as the true american founding father. Wouldn't it be cool if he actually sees this 😁
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
Tweet media three
87
166
5K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
After the first bite of a homemade pie say “you know what the problem with this is.”
71
642
9K
@TimJDillon
Tim Dillon
3 days ago
Take your cousin outside and teach him how to smoke a cigarette and tell him about JFK and 9/11 and that his parents don’t love each other, they’re just too poor to afford a divorce.
193
3K
33K